Where does imagination end and reality start?

By Carole Beck 

Whether Bob the Builder is coming for tea, or your tot’s merrily turning the dining table into an igloo, us mums have all marvelled at the power of our toddlers’ imaginations. But it’s easy to wonder, as you’re asked to check under the bed for monsters, again, just where her make-believe world ends and the real one begins. And is it good for her to let her imagination run wild? 

One thing’s for sure: Using imagination is a vital part of your child’s development. According to the experts, it helps your child problem-solve, think creatively and develop logic, empathy and a richer use of language. In other words, if your tot has a vivid imagination, it’s a good thing and something to be nurtured. 

HOW IT ALL STARTS
You probably won’t notice any signs of imaginative developments until your tot starts to grasp language, because this is when she starts to make greater sense of the world around her. 

“Between the age of 1 and 2, your child begins to understand that something can exist even if you can’t see it,” says Jennifer Smith, a childhood educational psychologist. “When you hide a toy under a cloth, for example, she’ll search for it, rather than thinking it’s gone forever. This helps her understand that you don’t need to have the real object in front of you to have it in your mind, and naturally leads on to pretend play, usually from about 17 months old.” 

LET'S PRETEND
Pretend play has many developmental advantages - it encourages language and thinking skills, vision and social empathy, while also giving your child the opportunity to work through any personal issues, like worries about the arrival of a new baby sibling or starting nursery. “Your child may be inspired to pretend play when, for example, she puts a hat on her head and says, ‘I’m a policewoman’,” Smith adds. “She may not even be speaking much yet, but it requires a complex thought process to think, ‘If I put on this hat, I am no longer just Sarah, but Sarah the policewoman.’ She’s actively putting herself in someone else’s shoes and trying to understand how they would feel. It’s a very grown-up skill that helps her develop empathy and perceive why people are sad or happy.” 

To begin with, your toddler is most likely to draw on her own experiences when she engages in pretend play. She may pretend to feed her teddies at a tea party, or even act out a scene from her favourite TV programme or storybook. You can encourage her by playing these games with her: Pretend to pour the tea for her dolls to drink, or supply boxes so that she can make them into houses or cars or whatever she likes. 

CAN BOB COME TO TEA, MUMMY?
Up to the age of 4 or 5, your child isn’t able to discriminate between her imagination and reality. “Everything’s a fantasy world, and, although she knows Mummy and Daddy are different from Bob the Builder, in a way we’re all characters in her world,” Smith says. “So, Bob the Builder could be at the table with you and if he’s not there, to your tot, that’s because he’s just busy doing something else.” 

This is why your toddler can also be convinced that there’s a real-life monster in her bedroom cupboard. To her, the dog down the road and the monster in the cupboard are pretty much the same thing. This is why monsters can be so scary - they could jump out at any time, just as a stray dog could. 

All this is natural. Fear of the dark is almost built into us - it prevents us from seeing so well, so it’s easy to imagine something else is lurking. Be patient with your tot and tell her that there really is nothing there - even if you have to do it again and again. Open cupboards, look under beds, and be reassuring, but firm. 

LET HER IMAGINATION RUN WILD
So, what can you do to help provide a healthy spark of inspiration for your tot’s play? Providing props for pretend games is one way. Anything from a hat to a photo of an animal can be enough to set her brain off. 

You could also read a picture story together about unfamiliar places, animals or people. If she’s listening well, ask, “What do you think is going to happen next?” This helps her think about the possibilities and, even if the story doesn’t end in the way she suggested, you can still praise her idea. But make sure you also step back and give her space to get on with imagining on her own. If you spend all your time arranging games for her, there’s no room for her to develop her own worlds and scenarios. 

Don’t interfere or control your tot’s games. Pointing out that a fireman wouldn’t wear a necklace, or that a tiger wouldn’t eat flowers, will put her off. Smith says, “If you want to encourage your toddler’s development, then you need to leave her to it to make her own mistakes.”  

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM ...
Sometimes, though, letting her use her imagination can just seem too exhausting and even infuriating. We’ve all felt like screaming when our little one insists on going out dressed as Chicken Little… again. Try to enjoy the sense of bizarre and see things from your tot’s point of view, or even join in. After all, play is the most important thing your tot can do, and you never know, you might enjoy yourself, too!  

TURN ON OR TUNE OUT?  Should your tot be watching TV?  Can TV threaten your toddler’s developing imagination? As long as you limit the amount of time your tot watches, the TV can be useful. “TV can be a great window for your toddler as she can see things she wouldn’t normally find out about,” Smith explains. “The important thing is that she has balance. So, if she’s just watched something about a rainforest, she needs time to go off and pretend-play at being there.” Remember, though, that half an hour of TV at a time is plenty.  FEAR FACTOR What’s your tot most scared of?  Monsters under the bed Never make fun of her fear. Instead, ask her what it is exactly about the monster that she’s afraid of and then talk about it. Also, try getting a night-light to illuminate dark corners.  Water Don’t force her into the swimming pool. Try letting her sit on the side of the pool so that she can watch other children swimming, then try getting in the pool yourself in front of her.  Using the potty Prepare her by talking about it. Get a book, such as Pirate Pete’s Pottybook by Ladybird, $16.50, or Peek-A-Poo (Lift-The-Flap) by Guido van Genechten, $15.95 (both available at major bookstores), or make up a story about using the potty.  Dogs Talk to her to find out if something happened to make her scared, for example, an incident with a neighbour’s dog. It may also be a fear that’s come from reading a particular story, so help her sort out what’s real and what’s make-believe.  PROP STARS Role-playing aids Some people question whether an over-stocked dressing-up box, complete with fairy wings and a perfect sequined dress, can interrupt your tot’s use of imagination by making it all just too easy. After all, we did just as well with an old sheet thrown over the dining room table and a pair of our mum’s high heels.  “It’s adults who make judgements and say one dressing-up outfit is better than another,” Smith says. “It doesn’t matter to your toddler. She can put on that expensive outfit you bought her one day, but wrap a curtain around herself and think she’s the best ghost in the world the next.”  There’s no harm in buying your toddler ready-made dressing-up outfits, but make sure she gets the chance to be a robot using nothing more than a cardboard box as well, to help her expand her imaginative skills.

If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg 

- Mother & Baby
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