Waking up one morning to find that your tiny placid cherub has turned into a stroppy little person with a mind of his own can come as quite a shock. Just ask Liza Sulaiman, mum to Freda, 20 months. 

“It seemed to happen overnight,” she says. “One day I had a happy, smiley baby, the next a whining, tantrummy toddler. I just can’t work out what I’ve done wrong!”

Of course, Liza hasn’t done anything wrong at all. All she’s done is join the parent-with-toddler club and she is, understandably, still reeling from the initiation.

As Dr Christopher Green, author of Toddler Taming, explains, “A child between the age of 1½ and 2½ is at a stage of minimum common sense and maximum mobility and militancy. At this age, children seem to have all the activity of an international airport, but their control tower doesn’t work,” Dr Green explains, using an airport analogy to illustrate his point. “And it doesn’t take much to work out that this combination is going to be upsetting to someone ― and that someone is obviously going to be you.”
 
Toddler tyrants
“Upsetting” isn’t exactly how Sian Goh-Andrews, mum to Harry, 3, would describe his toddler years. It’s worse.

“It was one of the most difficult times of my life,” she says. “Harry could run through every kind of terrible toddler behaviour, from snatching, biting and trashing rooms to whining, tantrum-throwing and defiance ― all within 90 minutes. Some days, all I did was shout. I felt like I was the worst mum in the world.”

If this sounds a lot like you and your toddler, it may be comforting to know that what you’re going through is actually common and very normal. Your toddler is at that difficult in-between stage where he’s no longer a baby and dependent on his Mum for his every little need, but he’s not yet a child, able to care for himself and stand on his own two feet.

He’s eager to explore the world alone, but needs you close by to keep him safe. He’s desperate to do things by himself, but needs you to pick up the pieces when he dissolves into tears of frustration. He wants to get his own way, but needs you to show him what’s allowed and what’s not. All in all, it’s a recipe for driving any parent to distraction!

“What really saved my sanity was realising that other mums had terrible days, too,” says Julia Mok, mum to Ellen, 2. “They’d have days when they didn’t know what to do, how to cope, when everything was suddenly so difficult. And although we all loved our toddlers to bits, they well-nigh half drove us crazy!”

So what should you do when your little terror is making your blood boil? We asked parenting experts ― and some mums who have tempestuous toddlers of their own ― for their top tips.
 
Distract him
Stop a screaming fit before it starts by saying, “Look, there’s a dog outside! Oh, it’s gone.”

“Diversion is your greatest weapon,” Dr Green says. “It may be a little dishonest, but it can save your sanity.”
 
Ignore sibling squabbles
“Turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to as much squabbling as you possible can,” Dr Green advises. “It’s amazing how few fights take place without an audience! If you do have to intervene, do it decisively and without taking sides.”
 
Lower your expectations
By nature, toddlers are noisy, dirty, messy and accident-prone. “I used to get really wound up when more of Nandan’s supper ended up on the floor than in his mouth,” says Priya Naidu, mum to Nandan, 2. “But then I realised he’s not doing it on purpose ― it’s silly to expect a 2-year-old to handle cutlery like an adult.”
 
Limit the “N” word
“No!” is an important word for all parents, but if you overuse it, it quickly loses its impact.

“A child can become bored by an endless stream of ‘nos’,” says Karen Sullivan, author of How To Say No And Mean It “And if he learns early on to ignore the word ‘no’, you’ll have a much more difficult time establishing your authority.”

Believe it or not, one of the best ways to avoid this situation is to turn “no” into “yes”. So, for example, change, “No, you can’t have a biscuit now” to “Yes, you can have a biscuit after lunch.”
 
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Try to let the little things go. Life’s too short to make an issue out of every trivial annoyance with a toddler. “If you are hell-bent on picking up on every single thing your tot does wrong, you’ll create a child who has no faith in himself,” Sullivan notes. “And if he can’t ever please you, he’ll stop trying.”
 
Laugh it off
“When I’m really struggling to get Azman to do what he’s told, I sometimes start to act the fool,” says Suraiya Abdul Rahman, mum to Azman, 2. “If he won’t get into his stroller, for example, I get in it myself! He laughs at his silly mum and forgets how cross he was a minute ago!”
 
Catch them being good
Sometimes, we can be so focused on what our children are doing wrong, we forget to notice when they do things right.

“Praise your child when he cooperates and acts kindly, when he’s quiet or when he plays on his own,” says Tracy Hogg, author of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers . “Make the good moments last by acknowledging them.”
 
Offer choices
“Toddlers love making choices because it gives them a sense of control,” Hogg notes. The key, though, is to offer choices that produce the result you’re after! So, instead of saying, “If you don’t put on your coat, we won’t go to the park”, say, “Which coat do you want to wear to the park ― the red one or the blue one?”
 
Be a kid yourself
“It’s easy to spend your days barking orders at your kids and forget to enjoy their amazing enthusiasm for life,” says Wong May Yin, mum to Joe, 2, and Ben, 3. “I make sure I spend at least 10 minutes a day being a kid with them. We bounce on the beds, run around the sofa, or paint our faces green ― anything to make us giggle.”
 
Sticky solution
“Uzair loves stickers, so I give him one for good behaviour, such as picking up his toys or letting me brush his teeth,” says Farzana Patel, mum to Uzair, 22 months. Little rewards like this can work a treat on toddlers.
 
Get physical
“Wei Wen’s playgroup leader taught me that it can sometimes be good to get up and gently restrain your child from doing something naughty or dangerous, rather than nagging or shouting at them all the time,” says Maxine Lee, mum to Wei Wen, 2. That way, they’re more likely to realise you’re serious!
 
Ignore the bad
“If your child tends to do something while looking at you with a smile or checks that you’re watching him, he’s just doing it to get a reaction,” says child psychologist Jo Douglas. “Turning a blind eye to his provocative behaviour can make it disappear.”  

- Mother & Baby
Grab your latest issue at all major newsstands and bookstores today!