Text Emilyn Tan

It may sound simple, but it's true: Who your child is at home and how he is treated will be mirrored in his peer relationships. But you can't change what you don't see. Therefore, the first step is to look at what goes on in your family. Below are questions about your own behaviour as well as what your child witnesses and experiences at home.

• If my child is hypercritical in his relationships, do I criticise too much?
• If my child has to be the star, do we too often give him the limelight or do we not give him enough attention?
• If my child is too bossy with friends, am I bossy with her or do I let her boss me around?
• If my child is a bully or a victim, does he see my spouse or me bullying each other or him?
• If my child is picked on by other kids, do I too often criticise?
• If my child is a "caretaker", do I tend to look after others and not give anything to myself or do I expect my child to take care of me/another member of the family in the same way?
• If other children take advantage of my child, do I allow or encourage such behaviour at home? Do his siblings push him around too much?
• If my child has trouble playing with others, do I too often ask him to amuse himself?
• If my child is an outsider, is he the "odd man out" in our family, or are we a family that isolates from others? – excerpted from Nurturing Good Children Now by Ron Taffel

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