The Joy of Giving
When he learns how to give, he will go a long way
Text Chong Cheh Hoon
If you think that your child has more than one of the following traits: loving and gentle, emotionally astute, generous in spirit and imaginative in self-expression; then you probably have a compassionate child. About a third of children have this gift and they do grow up to be beautiful and responsible adults.
But, don't despair if you don't have a giving child yet. Your child's early primary school years is the right time to develop his cognitive empathy – the ability to see things from another person's perspective and to act accordingly. You can use your child's school as a social place for interaction and transaction. It is here where you child can have the opportunity to immerse himself in real-life situations and experience the satisfaction he could get from such altruistic acts as helping out a handicapped child or tidying up the library corner on his own initiative.
As a parent, here are some of the things you could do to encourage your child to grow up to be a generous and caring giver.
- Home is where the heart is
Parents must remember that the home is the best teaching ground for your child. If you want a compassionate child, you must cultivate in him a thoughtful spirit of selfless giving. Don't put up with your child's tardy behaviour and sloppy language at home just because you don't have the time to set clear boundaries of family rules and expectations.
- Practise random acts of kindness
A US-based national movement called Random Acts of Kindness (www.actsofkindness.org) has shown how simple acts of thoughtfulness can profoundly affect people’s lives.
Parents can follow the lead of the movement by encouraging your child to adopt the habit to give selflessly. When he picks up this habit at a young age, his charitable acts will continue into adulthood, where the emotional intelligence he has gained will serve him well in his career.
- Participate in community outreach
A Jewish rabbi I know in America encourages his charges — who are preparing for their Bar Mitzvah, a rite of passage into young adulthood — to do community outreach for the year. His philosophy? "Responsibility in life must be fused with compassion, humility and sensitivity. Only when a child has learnt to serve others with a genuine kindness, then is he able to become a man of great moral character."
His rule is simple but effective. The kids in his class took up projects to feed the homeless and clean the local animal shelter on a regular basis. Through their giving, these kids acquire social skills, the importance of cooperation and the value of perseverance and following through.
- Lead by Example
At this age, your child learns best by emulating what he sees. The home is the perfect place to set an example. Parents have to have a caring and giving attitude if you want your child to develop a passion for charitable acts. You can choose something simple for your family to do – like packing old clothes and toys and giving them to a children's home. It is also important to choose a realistic activity and keep the commitment a priority. If you stop doing the project after a month, then you will be sending mixed signals to your child. Let your child realise the truth in the old adage that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
How to give
Check with these organisations on how you can volunteer:
Chong Cheh Hoon is with Focus on the Family Singapore (www.family.org.sg)
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