True Story: “I Finally Have A Baby After Four Miscarriages”

As told to Suzanne Baum

I blamed myself for not being able to give Michael the baby I knew he so badly wanted.  As I saw Caidence lying on a nappy the size of a cigarette pack, a huge surge of love ran through my whole body.

“As I watch my baby daughter crawling across the floor towards me, clinging on to her favourite teddy and flashing me that cheeky smile, I almost have to pinch myself. I never thought I’d ever experience this moment - just the everyday joy of being a mum. 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted children, and was thrilled to be pregnant within six months of meeting Michael. At eight weeks, I started bleeding. I couldn’t believe I’d miscarried until my doctor confirmed I’d lost my baby. 

I was so devastated that I was determined to get pregnant again as soon as possible, and three months later, I did - only for the same thing to happen again at the same point in the pregnancy. I started to question whether there might be something wrong with me - nobody in my family had ever had a miscarriage. It was all new and scary to me. 

Michael and I decided to take our chances once more, but when I discovered that I was pregnant six months later, I was a bag of nerves, terrified something would happen again. And then, at 10 weeks, I experienced the familiar dread as I started bleeding. I knew instinctively I had lost another precious baby. 

I was so distraught that I simply couldn’t stop crying. I felt like a failure. Every time I saw a pregnant woman, I’d be overcome with jealousy. If friends told me they were expecting, I’d congratulate them, but then I’d keep my distance and make excuses not to meet up. Why couldn’t that be me? 

Over the next few months, I went to see my gynaecologist. He took blood tests but found nothing to explain the miscarriages. He didn’t seem too concerned, though, particularly because I was so young. 

I was so desperate to have a baby that, despite being told to give my body a rest, I found myself pregnant again a couple of months later. When that ended in yet another miscarriage - at nine weeks - I fell into despair. It was simple; I was never going to be a mum. 

My relationship with Michael became strained as I blamed myself for not being able to give him the baby I knew he so badly wanted. While he shut his pain deep inside and tried not to talk about what had happened, I’d find myself crying uncontrollably, needing to discuss what we’d gone through. It was like we were in two separate worlds. 

Sleeping was my way of coping. Once I’d got back home from work, I’d crawl into bed at 8.30pm - it was the only way I could shut out the rest of the world and block the pain. At other times, I’d spend whole days lying in bed and refusing to see anyone but Michael. 

Despite the strain, my relationship with Michael survived, and the following year, I felt ready to try for a baby again - promising myself I’d have just one last attempt. But when I discovered I was pregnant for a fifth time, instead of celebrating, my defence mechanism kicked in. 

I wanted to protect myself from the pain and fear of losing the baby. It was as if I refused to even acknowledge the fact that I was pregnant. It wasn’t until my 12-week scan when I was told everything looked normal that I finally allowed the news to sink in. ‘It’s really happening,’ I murmured as Michael and I cried tears of absolute joy. I felt sheer elation ? after four years of trying for a baby, I was finally on my way to becoming a mum. 

I took each day as it came. It was a healthy, normal pregnancy and when I made it through that first trimester, it felt like a real milestone. But then, at 21 weeks, I woke up in the middle of the night with stomach cramps. I felt a sudden urge to push as I made my way to the toilet. Surely this couldn’t be a sign our baby was on its way? After everything we’d been through was I losing this child, too? Surely life couldn’t be that cruel. 

Michael rang the hospital and told them what was happening, and they urged us to get there as fast as we could. But when we arrived and they examined me, I could barely take in what the doctor was saying. The cramping pains, which had suddenly worsened, were in fact contractions and I was 3cm dilated. 

The doctor explained that by placing a stitch high up in my cervix to try to keep it closed, they could stop the labour progressing for a few more weeks. I was terrified but, fortunately, the operation went to plan and within hours, my contractions died down. I was consigned to bed rest to help prevent further contractions but just three weeks later, they started again. This time, the doctor said it was too late - I’d gone into labour. When I felt a sudden tightening in my stomach and the urge to push, I knew my baby was on its way. 

Within 20 minutes, my beautiful daughter, Caidence, was born, weighing a tiny 624g. Michael tried to comfort me as the doctors began to ventilate her. I caught just a brief glimpse of my baby before she was rushed off to intensive care. Although I felt sick and drained, I insisted Michael take me in a wheelchair to see her. 

Her little face was scrunched up and she had so many tubes sticking out of her, I could hardly focus. As the shock wore off and I saw her lying on a nappy the size of a cigarette pack, a huge surge of love ran through my whole body. 

Over those next days, I would sit by Caidence, sing to her, stroke her feet and hands - willing her on. Slowly, she got stronger but it was two long weeks before I was allowed to cuddle her for the very first time. It was simply the best feeling in the world. Despite being born at 24 weeks, she was making remarkable progress and when she was finally allowed home three months later, it felt as though the moment I’d been living for had finally arrived. 

Caidence is 15 months old now and just like any other baby her age - apart from the fact that she’s small. She has cut a tooth, is rolling, crawling and standing - every milestone is a miracle for us. She’s worth every drop of heartache we’ve been through and we feel blessed to be her parents.” 

Tamsin Hough, 23, from Kent in the UK, is married to Michael, 23, and mum to Caidence, 15 months.

Recurrent miscarriages: the facts - Although 20 to 25 per cent of pregnancies will result in a miscarriage, the risk rises with the mum’s age. “Recurrent miscarriage” (three or more times) is very rare, affecting about 1 to 2 per cent of women. - Doctors will usually wait until there have been three consecutive miscarriages to determine whether a woman has an underlying medical condition. - There are many reasons for a miscarriage. The most common cause is something wrong with the chromosomes in the developing foetus, but other reasons include hormonal factors, polycystic ovaries and structural abnormalities of the uterus. - Even when a definite reason isn’t found, there is a good chance of a healthy birth in the future. - For more support and information, contact aLife, which provides counselling and support for women who have suffered miscarriages. Call 6258-8816 to make an appointment, or visit www.alife.org.sg.

If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg 

- Mother & Baby
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