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Golden Parenting Rules You Mustn't Ignore
Being a good parent isn’t just about doing what someone says you should. Indeed, not doing it just so could be the perfect way to fast results.
By Helen Brown
Wise mums know that even a routine has to be flexible ? rigid scheduling can backfire on your baby - and on you.
“Doing too much only makes you both irritable. I limit myself to one activity a day - whether it’s taking part in a singing group or just going out for a walk in the park.”
Manically sterilising everything in your house is not the answer - washing your hands properly is. |
“Do this”, “do that”… there seems to be no end to the rules you have to follow if you want to be a good mum. Here’s a wise-parent secret: There are actually some rules that are made to be broken...
Bad Rule #1: Get into a strict routine
A daily routine can be comforting - a little bit of structure round the chaotic edges of new-mum life. But wise mums know that even a routine has to be flexible - rigid scheduling can backfire on your baby ? and on you.
“The trouble with really strict routines is that they assume all babies are the same - which they’re not,” says M&B nurse Jackie Walsh. “So if your baby doesn’t fit into your carefully worked out routine, you feel it’s all your fault ? which, of course, it’s not.”
EXPERT TIP “Rather than relying on someone else’s timetable to tell you what your baby needs, try to tune in to the natural cues your baby’s giving you,” says Walsh. “You’ll soon find it easy to spot the signs that she’s hungry or tired ? and adapt the rhythm of your days accordingly.”
MUM’S TIP “Don’t worry about what other mums are doing. Hold fast to what works for you and your family.”
Nicole Ho, 29, mum to Steven, 10 months.
Bad Rule #2: Sterilise everything
All mums need to be hot on hygiene, particularly while their baby is still under 6 months old. And cleanliness is even more important when you’re bottle-feeding, because bacteria can breed quickly in carelessly prepared formula milk. But manically sterilising everything in your house is not the answer? washing your hands properly is.
“I really can’t emphasise this enough,” says Dr Nandini Shetty, a consultant microbiologist at London’s University College Hospital. “A steriliser is not a substitute for proper hand hygiene and may even give you a false sense of security.”
EXPERT TIP If you’re bottle-feeding, clean bottles and teats with hot water and baby-safe dishwashing liquid, and rinse well afterwards, says Dr Shetty.
MUM’S TIP “I don’t sterilise Jack’s weaning bowls and spoons - I just wash them carefully. But I always wash his hands and mine before we eat.”
Juliana Simmon, 27, mum to Jack, 7 months.
Bad Rule #3: Make them finish everything that’s on their plate
Yes, it’s infuriating when your toddler leaves half his food untouched, but experts say if you insist he eats everything up, you could make him fat.
“Small children have a simpler relationship with food than we do,” says Paul Sacher, honorary specialist paediatric dietitian at Great Ormond Street Hospital in the UK. “They eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. Making them eat more than they want to disrupts that relationship and can lead them to overeat out of habit.”
EXPERT TIP “Keep servings small,” says Sacher. “A toddler portion is a lot smaller than you think ? about a quarter the size of an adult serving.”
MUM’S TIP “When my kids leave food, I try not to comment. My keep-cool mantra is, ‘I choose what they eat ? they decide how much.’”
Karmilah Selvakumar, 31, mum to Jeynthi, 2, and Andini, 3.
Bad Rule #4: Go to lots of baby classes
You’ve seen her whiz past you in a stroller-pushing whirl: The tightly-scheduled alpha mum, dashing from baby-signing class to toddler gymnastics so her child can get maximum brain stimulation. But there’s really no need for all the rush.
“Most of these classes are lovely and they can be a great way for you to meet other mums,” says Honor Rhodes of the Family and Parenting Institute in the UK. But they’re certainly not the only - or even the best - way to boost your child’s development. She’ll honestly get just as much brain stimulation taking pans out of your kitchen cupboard!”
EXPERT TIP “Don’t be afraid to just to let your child be,” says Rhodes. “She shouldn’t always have to rely on you to find something to look at or play with.”
MUM’S TIP “Doing too much only makes you both irritable. I limit myself to one activity a day ? whether it’s taking part in a singing group or just going out for a walk in the park.”
Theresa Ng, 30, mum to Fabien, 20 months.
Bad Rule #5: No telly for tots
Yes, there are studies that link box-watching at an early age with all sorts of behavioural and developmental problems, but most of them were based on kids in the US who watched cartoons for hours and hours on end.
Used wisely, television can actually be good for your child. It improves her speaking skills, for example. “We’ve found that, as long as they’re simple, age-appropriate and short, TV programmes can be useful in terms of language development,” says Liz Attenborough of the National Literacy Trust’s Talk To Your Baby campaign in the UK.
EXPERT TIP “To make TV a positive learning experience, you need to watch with your child and talk to her about what you’re seeing,” says Attenborough. “Then when the programme’s finished, turn the TV off and go and do something else.”
MUM’S TIP “We prefer DVDs to regular TV. Anwar likes seeing the same one every day - I think the repetition helps him pick up new words.”
Jeminah Ismail, 31, mum to Anwar, 2.
Bad Rule #6: Put them on the naughty step
Every toddler has tantrums but, contrary to popular belief, not every tantrum needs to lead to time out on the naughty step.
“While the naughty step can be a very effective way to show an older toddler the consequences of continuing bad behaviour, it’s not something to use all the time,” Rhodes advises. “Smaller children, in particular, often don’t understand the concept. For them, tantrums are usually about frustration rather than deliberate defiance - and they need your help, not your punishment, to learn and develop.”
EXPERT TIP “Give yourself time out instead,” says Rhodes. “Turn away from your child or leave the room when he’s throwing a tantrum. Nothing stops the howling more quickly than the lack of an audience.”
MUM’S TIP “You can often head off a tantrum completely with simple distraction. I point at a car in the street or ‘spot’ a cat in the drain - anything that’ll divert his attention from what’s upsetting him.”
Tan Si Hui, 28, mum to Lionel, 2.
If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg
- Mother & Baby
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