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Sister Act
Your new baby brings you so much joy, but how does your beloved firstborn feel? Follow our top tips to stamp out sibling rivalry.
By Christina Ching, Lisa Ward and Lucy Dimbylow
You could ask your gynae to let your tot listen to her brother or sister’s heartbeat, or give her one of your scan photos to show off at pre-school.
Giving your child jobs to do will help her feel part of the newborn experience.
Don’t separate your little ones all the time - just playing in the same room will give them a good start in learning to interact together. |
Baby Number Two is here and you’re ecstatic, but there’s a little person who may not be so pleased. Follow our tips and soon, your firstborn will love having her baby brother or sister around so much that she won’t even remember life as an only child.
1. PRE-BIRTH BONDING
Okay, so letting your little one loose at antenatal classes might be somewhat off-putting, but taking her along to your scans and gynae appointments will help her understand that there’s a real live baby in your tummy. You could ask your gynae to let your tot listen to her brother or sister’s heartbeat, or give her one of your scan photos to show off at preschool. “Meeting” her new sibling before the birth will give her more time to get used to the idea of sharing your affections.
2. FEEDING FRENZY
You can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as you settle down to breastfeed your newborn, your toddler will head ominously towards your white walls with a pack of crayons in her grubby little paw. Tactics like these are cries for attention, so stave them off by putting together a special box of treats, such as small toys, simple books, a DVD and a few mess-free snacks. Bring out the box at feeding time to keep your tot amused.
3. MUMMY'S LITTLE HELPER
Giving your child jobs to do will help her feel part of the newborn experience ? and if you drum into her just how helpful she is, you’ll give her fragile ego a boost, too. Trust us, she’ll love her new role as “Chief Diaper And Wipe Fetcher” (even if she does develop an unhealthy obsession with her baby sibling’s poop).
4. PRESENT PERFECT
Gifts are a sure-fire way to get a grumpy toddler on your side. If she turns up at the hospital and sees that your newborn has “bought” her that new trike she’s been eyeing, there’ll be smiles all round.
5. JUST THE TWO OF US
If your newborn is taking up all your energy and attention, your older child might feel short-changed. Turn daily tasks into special “Mummy-time” with your firstborn. Bathtime is great for one-on-one fun, especially if you jump into the tub with her!
6. TOY TROUBLE
Nothing riles a toddler like having her toys drooled upon by her thieving little sister. So make sure she has her own time with her toys, perhaps by staying up half an hour later to play. But don’t separate your little ones all the time ? just playing in the same room will give them a good start in learning to interact together.
7. ROUTINE MATTERS
Your newborn is a blank canvas but your toddler is already fixed in her ways, and disrupting her routine can lead to tears and tantrums. It therefore makes sense to fit the new baby in around your older child’s lifestyle. Stick to her regular mealtimes, naps and bedtimes, and make an effort to keep up with her favourite groups and activities - even if getting out of the house now feels twice as hard.
HOW YOUR TODDLER MAY REACT TO A NEW BABY
Regression
She might want to be babies. Be understanding and gently coax her out of it.
Withdrawal
If your tot withdraws into herself, be sure to handle this with sensitivity and care. Make extra efforts to show her how much you love her.
Jealousy
Allow her to talk about any negative feelings she may have towards the baby.
Anger
Ler her know that you understand that she’s angry, and that sometimes you feel angry too. Then she’ll realise it’s a normal emotion. However, put your foot down if her anger becomes violent. |
MUMS LIKE YOU
“I ask Jonas to try and make the baby smile. And when Marie smiles, I’d say to him, ‘The baby likes your singing. Look, she’s smiling!’ It made him feel important and he loves that he can make his baby sister giggle.”
Chan Lee Chuan, 32, mum to Marie, 6 months, and Jonas, 3.
“I let my tot feel my tummy and the baby kicking inside. He also accompanies me for my gynae visits and gets to see the baby through the scans. It makes it all seem more real.”
See Wei Wen, 28, mum to Si Ling, 2, and 33 weeks pregnant.
“Feed your baby away from your tot for the first few days, if possible. If your baby is constantly feeding, it’s likely your tot will get jealous that she’s missing out on cuddles from Mummy.”
Roslinda Mahmood, 29, mum to Imran, 3 months, and Iman, 2.
“Don’t leave your baby with your tot alone without supervising. When we were around, Emily would be cuddling and kissing her sister. Then one day when Emma was in the cot, I took a peek and saw Emily pinching the baby. We were shocked!”
Wendy Tan, mum to Emma, 4 months, and Emily, 3.
“I make sure that I spend some special time with Andrew alone doing the things she enjoys. This way, she doesn’t feel neglected and knows that Mummy loves her just as much.”
Anita Durai, 33, mum to Alison, 10 months, and Andrew, 4.
“I ask family and friends to help out by paying my firstborn extra attention when they come round to visit. If they just fuss over the new baby and forgot about him, he’ll feel left out.”
Suzanna Yeo, 35, mum to Rayden, 1 month, and Ryan, 4.
“If your toddler doesn’t seem too interested in her baby sister, don’t pressurise her into taking an interest in the baby. If she does, her interest will only be short-lived. She’ll come round in her own time.”
Sue Menon, mum to Xavier, 9 months, and Lisa, 5.
If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg
- Mother & Baby
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