Actress, Ivy Lee, shares her secrets for parenting success

Text Shenielle Aloysis

At first glance, actress Ivy Lee does not strike you as a mum who has spat out three kids. In fact, the babelicious MediaCorp headliner is a picture of perfect poise even though her energetic twin toddlers are running around the photo studio vying for her attention.

At 33, Ivy is mum to Mikki, her 9-year-old daughter, and 18-month-old twins, Nik and Dash. Bursting into the limelight after winning Star Search '93, she's since picked up a clutch of other accolades on her way to the top of the heap, including Most Popular Female Newcomer, Top 5 Most Popular Female Artiste and awards for Best Actress. Even so, this highly sought after A-list star still manages to make time for her kids. How does she do it? Simple – smart time management. Plus, she makes the most of those precious moments.

Says the reed-slim actress, "Even if it's only 5 minutes, I just give them a hug and tell them that I love them. Children need that sense of assurance. It is the quality time spent with them, not so much the quantity. And it is very, very important that I squeeze that time for my kids."

Balancing act
Of course, lucky Ivy has her mother-in-law and two domestic helpers to help with the kids and the running of her household. She acknowledges that it's the assurance that her kids are well looked after which helps her focus on her work.

"I realise that I would have to work, make enough money to be able to indulge my kids – to  buy whatever they need or want. But I feel that the family is far more important than anything else," she asserts.

Like any doting mum, the soft-spoken actress perks up and grows animated when she gets on the subject of her kids. With her irregular work hours, it's tough to spend time with them. She confides, "The kids hardly see me when I’m working. I leave the house as early at 6am and more often than not they are asleep at that hour. When I get home, it's also very late. All I can do is just kiss them and hope they understand."

But this changes on her days off. When she’s not working, this hands-on mum devotes her entire day to her tots – from playing with them after they wake up, to feeding and taking them out on excursions.

Ivy notes, "They sleep for 1½ to 2 hours, which gives me a break to just relax, laze or read. After they get up, I make it a point to spend the rest of the day with them. We would either go for a swim or a ride in the car. Sometimes, we just stay home.”

A work in progress
After three kids, she has found that patience is the greatest virtue. She says, "I'm still learning to be a better mum. When I'm stressed at work, I try not to show it at home. I find it rather relaxing to spend time with my kids. However, I can be a little harsh on my daughter, because she's older, I expect her to be more independent and capable."

With her Hong Kong-born freelance film director husband, Raymond Choy, away from home for months on projects, Ivy is the disciplinarian in the house. She says, "I do use the cane to scare Mikki but I do not believe in caning her. Why should I cause her unnecessary pain? I would definitely regret it later.

"My philosophy is to raise happy kids, but not spoil them rotten."

Despite her many advantages, this down-to-earth mum firmly believes that she should never over-indulge her kids as they must know the value of money. Ivy also places restrictions on what she buys for her kids. She says, "Mikki wants a horse for a pet, but that's simply impossible! She needs to know the limitations on what she can and cannot have."

So, is she a typical Singaporean kiasu mum? Her breezy answer – to some extent. She elaborates, "Mikki is an average student, but I want her to be independent and learn things on her own. I tend to push her to try figure out things for herself and not always expect me to provide the answers. As for my twins, I sent them to a gym class even before they turned one to work on their sensory and motor skills. Now, they attend Kindermusik and they simply love it!"

Team effort
So, whom does she SOS when she's struggling with a problem? Her hubby Raymond, of course! "I usually call Raymond first to let him know the details and immediately try to resolve the issue at hand. I do not wait helplessly for someone to come to my aid!"

With Ivy's hectic schedule and Raymond being away most of the time, the couple hardly have time for themselves. What about couple time then? Ivy laughs merrily.  "Raymond is usually busy filming out of the country. We talk on the phone everyday and when he’s back, we are usually with the kids. We have gone past that dining and going out stage. We are both very stable in our relationship and very independent. After all, we are working for our kids' future."

Then and now
Before, Ivy would never have made herself out to be the maternal type who would settle down with kids. But this has all changed. These days, her children obviously keep her grounded.

She says, "Now, I'm more matured and more family-orientated. You get a certain sense of joy in seeing your kids grow – both inside your womb and outside – the love too just keeps growing. Seeing them happy and smiling brings on a certain kind of accomplishment! It makes you complete!"

 Way to go, Ivy!