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| Healthy Behaviour
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Green-eyed Monster
How do I deal with sibling rivalry?
Q I have got a bad case of sibling rivalry on my hands. Dane my older boy is 5 and has been very jealous since his little brother Darren was born two years ago. He is very aggressive around Darren - even me. He’s just so angry all the time, it’s as if he is about to blow a gasket. What should we do?
A Sibling rivalry is a natural and normal phenomenon. There are two extremely difficult times for the older sibling. The first is when the baby is born and mummy is busy with a new baby who demands a great deal of attention and physical contact. The second time these feelings of frustration arise is when the younger child begins to move around, grabs toys and wants to do everything the older sibling is doing. This may be what’s happening in your home. To address the jealousy, try to make sure Dane is able to spend time alone with both of you, as well as his grandparents and other family members. Highlight the fun things he is able to do because he is the big boy! Praise him when he acts in a responsible or caring way towards his brother. If he doesn’t, then praise him whenever he does anything that shows responsibility, or is kind to others. Help him understand that aggression and violence towards his brother is unacceptable. Do not ignore his anger, explain it is okay to be angry, but not okay to hit or hurt anyone. Anger is a very difficult emotion to handle, especially in young children. Try not to react with anger when he is expressing his frustration and jealousy. By speaking calmly about your feelings of anger, he will begin to understand that it is okay to be mad but not to be mean.
This question is answered by Fiona Walker, principal director of Julia Gabriel Centre For Learning and Chiltern House.
If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg
- Mother & Baby
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