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Sure Thing
We all know how important self-confidence is in a child's development. Family.sg brings you ways to start boosting your child’s confidence
Hand-in-hand with not criticising your tot every few minutes, is giving her lots of praise. Praise is the basis of a child’s self-esteem.
“You do need to teach your child what is acceptable and what isn’t. But once you’ve made your surroundings as safe as possible, you need to give her the space to explore and learn for herself.”
“If you’re saying, ‘Not now, darling,’ more than a couple of times a day, reassess just how much undivided attention you’re actually giving your child.”
“The more predictable their outside world, the more confident babies feel on the inside. Too many surprises can be unsettling.” |
Every mum wants her baby to be happy and sure of herself. But how do you actually help your little one feel safe, secure and ready to take on the world? Here are some simple ways to encourage her.
By Jean Jollands.
BABY CONFIDENCE BOOSTER # 1
Talk Up Your Baby
It’s easy to get into the habit of moaning about your baby. “She’s a really fussy eater” or “Such a bad sleeper”, you might gripe. While the odd grouse is normal, criticising your child, especially in front of her, can be damaging.
“Even if your baby can’t speak, she can pick up non-verbal clues in your remarks, such as frustration in your voice or tension in your body,” says child psychologist Dirk Flower. “By 2 months, most babies are developing their ‘social smile’ in response to your smile, so they’re already learning to react to other people’s behaviour. Your attitude towards your baby is crucial to her developing a healthy view of herself.”
Victoria Chai, 35, mum to Jemma, 11 months, and Carys, 3, agrees, “Carys is incredibly shy, and I used to apologise to people for her. But one day, she said, ‘I’m really shy, aren’t I, Mummy?’ I realised then that I was re-enforcing it by saying this to everyone and making her feel something was wrong with her. Nowadays, I just lead by example by being really friendly to other people when we meet them.”
While we’re not suggesting you never indulge in a grumbling session with your mummy mates, Flower recommends, “If you really want to moan about your children, do it when they’re in bed and asleep!”
There is a place for constructive criticism, but focus on the behaviour, not the baby. Rather than calling her “silly girl” when your 2-year-old pees on the floor next to her potty, why not say gently, “You’re nearly there. How about we try putting the potty somewhere else, so you can get to it more easily?”
The key is to think before you speak, and chill out! “Most of the things you worry about today won’t be an issue in two months’ time,” says GP Dr Carol Cooper.
BABY CONFIDENCE BOOSTER #2
Plenty Of Praise
Hand-in-hand with not criticising your tot every few minutes, is giving her lots of praise. Dr Cooper explains, “Praise is the basis of a child’s self-esteem. But make sure you give a clear idea of what you’re praising. So say, ‘Well done for helping clear your toys away,’ rather than simply, ‘Good girl’.”
Focus on praising a child’s actions rather than her attributes (such as having pretty hair). Dr Cooper adds, “Don’t overdo praise ? it devalues it ? and try not to be too over-the-top. A good test is, if you heard your friend or neighbour saying the same thing to their baby, would it have you running for the sick bucket?”
Praising works for Adlena Rahim, 23, mum to Ferdaus, 6 months. “I’ve just started weaning Ferdaus, and whenever he finishes his food, I’ll clap my hands. He’ll always respond with a smile, so I’m sure he knows I’m pleased with him.”
BABY CONFIDENCE BOOSTER #3
Independence Day
Experts believe we’re all “helicopter” parents now, constantly hovering over our babies to help them out or shield them from perceived harm. But encouraging your toddler to be independent is really vital to help her develop confidence.
Flower explains, “You do need to teach your child what is acceptable and what isn’t. But once you’ve made your surroundings as safe as possible, you need to give her the space to explore and learn for herself.”
Kerry Teoh Barrett, 34, mum to Miles, 11 months, says, “Miles is very active, and it’s hard to sit back. But then, you have to ask when will they ever learn, for example, that if you pour water on the floor, then yes, you may slip and fall? In the long run, I think it’s actually safer to give your baby space ? within sensible limits.”
To encourage your baby to explore for herself, Flower suggests creating a sensory basket. “Fill it with objects you know are safe, such as a finished piece of wood, a rubber door-stopper, and some coloured water in a sealed bottle. Then sit back and let her discover it ? at her own pace.”
Laura Monteiro, 25, mum to Evita, 10 months, says, “Instead of jumping in, I enjoy doing nothing more than watching my baby as she looks at a new toy intensely and works out what she has to do with it to get it to make a sound, or move. I love interacting with her and always will, but at this stage, it not only builds her confidence to play on her own, but also gets her used to not having mummy with her all the time.”
BABY CONFIDENCE BOOSTER #4
Listen Up
“If you want your kids to feel important, then treat their views as important too,” Dr Cooper says. Yet, how many of us actually take the time to really listen to our tot’s unintelligible babblings?
Siobhan Leow, 36, says she often finds herself babbling back to her
13-month-old baby Rianna. “Although I don’t know what she’s saying, I’m just so excited she’s making these sounds. I try to respond to her so she feels like I understand her.”
Dr Cooper also warns against fobbing off questions from an older tot. “If you’re saying, ‘Not now, darling,’ more than a couple of times a day, reassess just how much undivided attention you’re actually giving your child.”
She suggests setting aside some mummy-time each day when you focus only on your child, really listening and talking to her. “It’s not the quantity ? just 15 minutes can make a big difference ? but the quality of time you give them.”
BABY CONFIDENCE BOOSTER #5
Routine Matters
Giving a baby a sense of routine can also help make her feel secure. Flower explains, “The more predictable their outside world, the more confident babies feel on the inside. Too many surprises can be unsettling.”
Foo Siok Guan, 29, mum to Ryan, 20 months, says, “I felt that it was important to establish a bedtime routine (dinner, bath, then story) for Ryan. He now falls asleep by himself with no fuss. He’s confident because he knows what to expect.”
Don’t restrict yourself to a strict timetable that leaves you stressed, but do create a sense of constancy, for example, around feeding or bedtimes. And no matter how old your baby is, it pays to get into the habit of explaining to them what will be happening in advance, such as “This afternoon, we’re going to visit Auntie Julie.”
If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg
- Mother & Baby
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