 |
|
|
|
| Birth
|
|
|
|
True Blue
Why has having a baby has left me sad, anxious and guilt-ridden?
If your general disposition is sad, your spirit low and you’ve lost all interest in things you used to love, there’s a high chance you’re suffering from PND.
“Giving birth can leave you physically and emotionally wrecked as some hormones plummet and others surge. If, for example, you’re also lacking a strong support network to help you through those early days, you could be more prone to developing postnatal depression.”
In this era of super-parenting, we’re not just expected to be good, but flawless. There’s pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations: To return to work after our maternity leave, juggle childcare and still raise the perfect baby.
Being honest and talking about what you’re going through can help you cope better and foster a better relationship with your baby. |
To the outside world, you’re the woman who has everything: A beautiful, bouncing, healthy baby. But on the inside, it’s a different story. One minute it’s like someone’s pushing a panic button in your head, the next, you’re numb. And knowing you’re supposed to be blissed-out on baby love makes you feel like more of a failure.
BABY BLUES
You might feel far from normal, but it could be down to the common side effects of giving birth. Mother & Baby expert Dr Adrian Wang, a consultant psychiatrist at Gleneagles Medical Centre, reckons between 50 and 60 per cent of mothers may experience some stress-related and blues-like symptoms.
Kicking in two to four days after birth, the baby blues are due to huge physical, hormonal and emotional changes your body experiences when it stops being pregnant.
“You’ll probably find yourself crying one moment and happy the next, but things should settle after a couple of weeks,” reckons Sheelah Seeley, a nurse specialising in postnatal depression. “If it lasts longer than this or your depression deepens, you may actually be suffering from postnatal depression (PND).”
Signs Of The Times
Postnatal depression presents a mix of symptoms. They usually occur within the early months, but can appear up to a year after your baby’s birth.
You may be…
• Feeling really low, despondent and thinking nothing’s good in life
• Feeling tired, lethargic and numb
• Feeling inadequate, unable to cope, guilty about this or about not loving your baby enough
• Unusually irritable
• Crying a lot
• Losing your appetite or having trouble sleeping
• Feeling hostile or indifferent to your husband and/or your baby
• Lacking interest in sex
• Having panic attacks
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Having unexplained aches, pains or headaches
• Having obsessive fears about your, your baby’s or your family’s health and wellbeing. |
SO WHAT IS PND?
PND is individual to each person ― for some, it strikes suddenly, while for others, it’s gradual. Symptoms also differ, but there are some serious signs that shouldn’t be ignored.
“If your general disposition is sad, your spirit low and you’ve lost all interest in things you used to love, there’s a high chance you’re suffering from PND,” Seeley says.
The question is, why? The exact causes are not known, although many medical professionals think it is linked to a combination of hormonal changes in the mother’s body and external stress-related factors.
“PND is caused by a mixture of influences ― from hormonal to social and psychological,” Seeley explains. “Giving birth can leave you physically and emotionally wrecked as some hormones plummet and others surge. If, for example, you’re also lacking a strong support network to help you through those early days, you could be more prone to developing postnatal depression.”
For Katrina Chin, 26, mum to Trisha, 18 months, becoming a mum hit her with full force. “I felt anxious being on 24-hour call for this helpless being whose only way of communicating was crying. Because everyone kept telling me that motherhood was instinctive, I felt like such a failure not knowing what Trisha wanted. My mum tried to support me, but to have accepted help would have been like admitting I couldn’t cope.”
With Janet Teh, 28, mum to Ashton, 14 months, it was the lack of support that left her isolated and unable to cope. “We knew having a baby would be a struggle financially, so when Jonathan was offered a better-paid job in Shanghai, we moved away from our friends and family.
“From the moment we left the hospital, I started feeling extreme anxiety. When Jonathan returned to work two weeks later, I felt abandoned. I hadn’t made friends locally, and my mum couldn’t stay with me as she had her own work commitments. I thought I’d feel fulfilled with a new baby for company, but I didn’t. I felt painfully sad and alone, and spent most of my time crying.”
In The Know
So what do these terms mean?
• Postnatal depression
At least one in 10 new mums suffers from PND, often when her baby is 4 to 6 months old. Lack of support, hormonal upheaval and a traumatic birth can all contribute towards PND. Support and counselling can be effective and antidepressants may be given to severe sufferers.
• Antenatal depression
While it’s common to have hormonal mood swings when you’re pregnant, if you feel depressed, angry or anxious, you could be one of the 10 per cent of women with antenatal depression. See your gynaecologist, who may prescribe counselling or antidepressants.
• Puerpal Psychosis
A rare psychiatric illness where sufferers exhibit mania, severe depression, delusions and extreme mood swings. There’s also an increased risk of suicide or harming the baby. Hospitalisation and drug therapy are recommended. |
UNDER PRESSURE
Research into experiences of new mums suggests that this lack of support is a key cause of PND. There’s no respite care in hospital and even with first babies, women are often discharged within a day or two for normal deliveries, or three to four days if they’ve had a Caesarean delivery.
And in this era of super-parenting, we’re not just expected to be good, but flawless. There’s pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations: To return to work after our maternity leave, juggle childcare and still raise the perfect baby.
It’s no wonder, then, that about one in 10 women suffers postnatal depression. And that’s according to official figures. In reality, the number could be double that, as research suggests almost 50 per cent of new mums lie about symptoms when asked how they’re feeling.
Around four to six weeks after delivery, all new mums are seen by their gynaecologists who’ll ask how they’re coping, though may mums often lie as they’re scared that having admitted bad thoughts about themselves or their baby means that they’re a bad mother. But in reality, being honest and talking about what you’re going through can help you cope better and foster a better relationship with your baby.
OPENING UP
The first step to getting well is admitting there’s a problem.
“It can be hard to admit you’re vulnerable,” Seeley notes. “But opening up, whether it’s to friends, family or fellow sufferers who understand your anxieties helps. Support is essential.”
If someone you know has PND, it’s vital you support them. “Don’t tell them to pull themselves together,” says Diane Nehme from the Association for Post
Natal Illness in the UK. “It’s an illness, and the sooner you encourage them to talk about their feelings and get professional help, the sooner it can be treated and cured.”
Experts suggest the best treatment for PND is a combination of practical support, counselling and, if necessary, antidepressants. “If you’re severely anxious, medication can calm you down enough to start talking so that therapy works,” Seeley adds.
For Katrina, cognitive behavioural therapy was successful. “It helped me challenge my thinking,” she says. “When the psychologist asked who was saying I was failing as a mother, I realised it was me ― I was pressurising myself. Once I cut myself some slack, I started to feel better.”
LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF
There’s much to be said for some serious TLC from yourself and others. Finding time to eat and sleep is near-impossible with a newborn, but tiredness and hunger worsen symptoms.
“Dozing whenever Ashton dropped off, plus eating properly, gave me more energy to cope,” says Janet. “Jonathan was very caring, cooking and filling the fridge with healthy snacks, giving me less to worry about during the day. As my energy increased, I felt more positive and joined a mother and baby group. Just talking to other mums and realising we all worry helped. I’m much better now, though I’m terrified of having another baby and getting PND again.”
There’s little scientific agreement on recurrence rates, but some studies put the chances of getting PND again at 25 to 55 per cent, with the odds swelling if the woman had a serious episode in the past.
“It’s best to be aware of the risks,” says Nehme. “On a positive note, if you’re familiar with the symptoms, you’ll get help quicker and feel better sooner. You know you’ll come out the other side.”
HELP FOR YOU
For help with postnatal depression, contact:
• aLife, a non-profit volunteer welfare organization which provides assistance and counselling services related to fertility and pregnancy. Call 6258-8816 or visit www.alife.org.sg.
• If you need further help, consult a psychiatrist. The Institute of Mental Health (IMH) runs a number of clinics in the community. Try the IMH helpline at 6389-2222. As an alternative, the National University Hospital is one of the hospitals with psychiatric outpatient facilities.
MUMS LIKE YOU
Gina Swee, 29, became depressed after her daughter Leona’s birth.
A number of things contributed to my postnatal depression. I’d wanted a natural birth, but after a three-day induction and no sleep, Leona was delivered by emergency Caesarean. After three days, the hospital sent me home. I hadn’t mastered feeding, Leona wouldn’t latch on and became dehydrated. I felt like such a failure and didn’t feel the bond.
I told my gynae I was fine, but secretly, I cried constantly and felt trapped.
Although my husband Desmond encouraged me to see the doctor, I insisted I’d feel better when my hormones settled, when Leona started sleeping through, or when I went back to work.
But returning to work when Leona was 3 months old left me feeling even more out of control. I hated being so far away if Leona needed
me ― which she did one Friday.
Leona had a lengthy febrile convulsion, but the doctor initially suspected meningitis, and we thought she might die. I promised myself if she got better, I’d tender my resignation, which I did on Monday morning.
As we drove Leona back from the hospital, I felt numb. ‘I need to see the doctor now,’ I told Desmond.
My gynae put me on antidepressants. Within two weeks, I felt better ― not euphoric, just normal. Now, 10 months on, I’ve stopped taking the tablets and I’m loving life with my beautiful baby.
Having missed out on the first 4 months, now, I make the most of every moment. |
If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg
- Mother & Baby
Grab your latest issue at all major newsstands and bookstores today!
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|