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I’m a mum! How will I ever cope?
A quick new-mum survival guide to help you survive first time motherhood
By Christina Ching and Ann-Marie O'Leary
If you’re planning on breastfeeding, it’s a good idea to get started immediately after birth.
The enormity of everything that’s happened might hit you. Just remember that it’s normal to feel elated and terrified, ecstatic and exhausted; all at the same time.
Remember: you’re not supposed to know everything straightaway. Now’s the time for you and your baby to get to know each other.
If your boobs are painful, try the cabbage-leaf trick; just chill them in the fridge, then slip them into your bra cups. It works, honest!
Your newborn will sleep for around 16 hours a day; just not all in one go. So one of the key challenges of being a new mum is learning how to survive on little, or at best broken, sleep.
You have to stop being a martyr when you have a new baby. Accept every single offer of help that comes your way, and learn to ask for it too. There are no prizes for trying to do everything yourself. You’ll only end up feeling defeated and worthless when you don’t get everything just right. |
Becoming a mum is one of the biggest shocks to the system life can throw at you, no matter how prepared you thought you were. Jade Sim, 27, mum to Tyler, 14 weeks, admits, “I’ve always been a very organised person and assumed that once my baby was born, I’d still be able to plan my days and do everything I wanted or needed to. Boy, was I wrong!”
But the good news is it doesn’t take long to get the hang of it, and we can guarantee you’ll get there in the end. “It took me six weeks of beating myself up to figure out I just needed to go with the flow and let things happen naturally, rather than trying to plan everything,’ Jade adds.
To help you find your feet, we’ve compiled the ultimate New Mums' Survival Guide so you know what to expect and when, and can enjoy those precious moments with your newborn.
THE FIRST 24 HOURS
You’ve been waiting for this day for months – nine, to be exact. Now you finally get to meet your new baby. But what happens next?
BEST FOOD FORWARD
As long as your baby’s okay, you’ll get your first cuddle straightaway. And if you’re planning on breastfeeding, it’s a good idea to get started immediately after birth.
“For a normal delivery, if both mother and baby are well, breastfeeding should be initiated within the first hour in the delivery suite,” advises Kang Phaik Gaik, a senior lactation consultant at Mount Alvernia Hospital. “During this time, the newborn is in a quiet, alert state and his rooting and sucking reflexes are at their height. Babies usually become rather sleepy two hours after birth.”
And if you've had a Caesarean delivery, Kang urges you to start breastfeeding within the first four hours of your baby's birth. This will stimulate your milk flow, as well as help prevent breast engorgement.
But don’t panic if it doesn’t go well at first, since it’s common for newborns just to snuffle around for a while, says midwife Melanie Every.
If you've had a tear or episiotomy, your wound will be stitched up as soon as possible. “The sooner it's mended, the sooner you’ll start healing,” Every notes. “You can use gas and air while you're being stitched, but if you've had an epidural, it'll be left in until your wound has been repaired.”
ON THE MOVE
Now’s the time to move to the postnatal ward – usually in a wheelchair or gurney. You might be shocked at the ward’s resemblance to the MRT station at rush hour, especially after the quiet and one-to-one care on the delivery ward, but don’t be afraid to ask for help. “If you look like you’re coping, you’ll probably be left to get on with it,” says Every.
MOTHER CARE
Your baby's been cleaned up, and it’s your turn for a shower – well, if you're not following traditional Chinese confinement customs, that is. It's a blessed relief after your messy, sweaty ordeal! Tell the nurse if you feel wobbly when you get up. This is normal, especially if you’ve lost quite a lot of blood.
You’ll also need to eat. You may well be ravenous or you may just feel nauseous. Either way, try to eat something, even if it’s just Milo and bread. The hospital needs to know that you've managed to keep fluids and food down – and been to the loo – before they can let you go home.
That first post-birth pee, usually happening within the first six hours after delivery, may sting like hell, but going to the loo will soon get a lot more comfortable. “You won’t necessarily have a bowel movement,” Every says, “but if you haven’t had one in 48 hours, tell your gynae or nurse.”
Expect a visit from your gynae sometime during the day of your delivery, or the day after. He'll check on you to make sure that you're recovering well.
NEWBORN CHECKS
On the day of his birth or the morning after, your baby will be checked over from head to toe by a paediatrician. As well as listening to his heart, checking his hips (and testicles if it’s a boy), they’ll want to make sure he’s peed and pooped.
All newborns are also routinely offered a screening for hearing defects before leaving hospital, says Dr Low Kah Tzay, Mother & Baby's consultant paediatrician and child development specialist. A tiny earpiece will be placed in your baby’s ears to test his response to sound. This test only takes a few minutes and can even be done when your baby's asleep. It isn't always 100 per cent accurate for newborns, so if the results are inconclusive, it will be repeated at a later date.
CROWD CONTROL
You’ll be so proud of your new little bundle you’ll want to screech your news from the rooftops, but try to keep the first day simple. Text or phone close friends and family, and ask them to pass the news on. You may want grandparents or siblings to visit straightaway, but try to avoid a crowd coming round. You will both need plenty of time to rest and get to know each other before the visitors start pouring in.
Postnatal wards have visiting hours, so your husband will be sent home for the night, unless you opt to stay in a single-bedded private ward. You may feel overwhelmed and lonely when everyone leaves, so make sure you have your mobile phone and charger on hand.
REALITY BITES
You should be given painkillers soon after the birth, but if your stitches or afterpains are still causing you lots of discomfort, tell someone. There are plenty of options; from paracetamol for general soreness to morphine after a Caesarean, says Dr Christopher Chong, Mother & Baby’s consultant obstetrician, gynaecologist and urogynaecologist.
If you’ve had a Caesarean, you’ll have a catheter to empty your bladder. This will probably be removed after 12 to 24 hours, Dr Chong explains. Once the equipment has been removed, you’ll be encouraged to start moving around. The nurse will help you put on an elastic loin belt to support your stitches so that moving is less painful.
Now’s also the time the enormity of everything that’s happened might hit you. Just remember that it’s normal to feel elated and terrified, ecstatic and exhausted; all at the same time.
HOMEWARD BOUND
After a straightforward birth, you’ll usually be sent home after staying in the hospital for one or two days. If you've had a C-section, expect to stay put for three to four days.
During your hospital stay, attend the babycare demonstrations conducted by the hospital’s experts, so you’ll learn how to breastfeed, bathe and change baby, as well as care for the cord stump when you get home.
Nothing beats the feeling of arriving back home as a family when you left as a couple. But it can also be terrifying when the reality hits home. “I remember my husband and I looking at each other when we got in, saying, 'Now what?', and we were only half joking!” says Karen Seah , mum to Hannah, 9 months.
Remember: you’re not supposed to know everything straightaway. Now’s the time for you and your baby to get to know each other. If you do need to put your mind at rest, you can always call your hospital's parentcraft centre. “It’s really important to remember that you’re not alone after you get home,” Every stresses.
If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg
- Mother & Baby
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