Top 10 must-have skills for all new mums

You’re finally home and it’s not all a rosy picture. “Being a mum is the most important job you’ll ever do,” says Mother & Baby’s nurse, Jackie Walsh. “Yet, you’ll never have any training for it.” Here are 10 top tips to help you get skilled for the challenges ahead! 

1. RECOVERING FROM THE BIRTH
We don’t need to tell you that your body takes quite a battering during the birth. If you delivered vaginally, you’re probably aching all over, as well as being physically exhausted. And if you had a Caesarean, it’s worth remembering you’re actually recovering from major surgery! So don’t try to do everything yourself straightaway; take the time to recover properly. Try some of our tips for a more comfortable recovery: 

• You may have stitches as well as bruising. Try pouring warm water over yourself while going to the loo to ease any stinging.
• Don’t be alarmed if you leak urine when you laugh/cough/sneeze ? your pelvic floor exercises will soon sort this.
• If you find you’re constipated, make sure you eat plenty of fibre (wholemeal bread, pasta and rice, fruit and vegetables) and drink lots of water. If piles are a problem, try warm baths.
• A Caesarean can leave you feeling like you’ll burst open if you laugh/lift/sit up, so learn to brace yourself first.
• As your uterus shrinks back to its normal size, it might hurt. Paracetamol will help ease the pain.
• If your boobs are painful, try the cabbage-leaf trick ? just chill them in the fridge, then slip them into your bra cups. It works, honest!
• Last but not least, you might find you sweat lots in bed as the excess pregnancy fluid drains away, so try sleeping on a towel. 

2. BATHING AND CHANGING
With newborns going through as many as 12 diapers each day, changing will soon be something you can; and will; do in your sleep. It’s important to check your little one’s diaper every couple of hours and to always put him in a fresh one before bed at night and first thing in the morning. 

Bathing your newborn can be a daunting experience, especially if you’ve never juggled anything live, slippery and (often) screaming before! But you’ll soon get the hang of it. 

Just remember that you don’t need to bathe your baby every day. Topping and tailing is easier and will keep him clean between baths. Here’s how:

• Lay him on a towel on his changing mat in a warm room and undress him. Start by dipping cotton wool in warm water and wiping his eyes from the inner corner out, using a fresh piece for each eye.
• With a clean piece of damp cotton wool, wipe his face and neck. Then with more fresh cotton wool, wipe behind each ear.
• Using more clean cotton wool, wipe his underarms, hands and feet, including between his fingers and toes.
• Remove his diaper and clean his bottom, using fresh pieces of cotton wool to clean in between his skin folds.
• Pat him dry with a towel and redress him in a fresh diaper and clean clothes. 

3. SOOTHING
Studies have shown that within hours of the birth, you can recognise your baby’s cry from others’ and have a heightened response mechanism to it. What takes a bit longer to figure out is what your baby’s cries actually mean. Here's how to recognise common cries:

• “I’m hungry!” This is usually a slow-building cry that starts as a fuss and builds to a loud, rhythmic cry.
• “I’m in pain!” More of a sharp, high-pitched scream, followed by a brief period where he holds his breath and gasps for air.
• “I want attention!” This cry often starts as fretting, building into bursts of crying to try to get your attention.
 Whatever reason your baby’s crying for, it’s always best to try to soothe him as quickly as you can, since the longer he cries, the harder it can be to get him to stop. Follow our tricks to hush your little cry baby:
• Is he hungry or thirsty? This should always be your first question and, if he is, your baby will usually calm down once he’s been attended to.
• Check his diaper. Babies hate feeling wet and dirty.
• Is he too hot or too cold? Feel his stomach ? it should feel warm to the touch, but not hot or clammy.
• Cuddle him ? sometimes, this is all it takes.
• Use your imagination ? rock, swaddle, burp, sing, massage and pace. You’ll soon learn how he likes to be calmed. 

4. BREASTFEEDING
We’d be lying if we told you breastfeeding never hurts, but if you find yourself in agony at every attempt, it’s usually an indication something’s wrong. Breastfeeding is the most natural way to feed your baby, but it doesn’t always come naturally - it’s a skill both you and your baby need to learn. 

Says Wong Boh Boi, a senior lactation consultant at Thomson Medical Centre’s ParentCraft Centre, “A baby who has had enough milk feels contented and settles after a feed. You can expect six to eight wet diapers a day after the first three days. Your baby’s eyes are bright and his tongue and mouth will be wet. Feel your baby’s thighs ? if they are firm, and he is gaining weight, you can be sure that he is getting enough milk.” 

Breastfeeding counsellor Heather Welford adds, “The main indicator of successful feeding is if, by day five, your baby is producing soft, yellow poop several times a day. If he isn’t showing these signs, you will need to have your baby weighed and your breastfeeding checked as soon as possible to find out why.”

Despite the benefits of breastfeeding being well known, only around one in five babies is still being breastfed at 6 months, according to the National Breastfeeding Survey 2001. The key thing to remember is that there’s support out there if you’re finding it hard. Stick these numbers up on your refrigerator door in the early days and don’t be afraid to call any time if you need help:

• Breastfeeding Mothers Support Group (Singapore) Call 6339-3558 or visit www.breastfeeding.org.sg
• Family Life Society Joyful Parenting Hotline Call 6488-0286.
• Parentcraft centres at various hospitals have lactation consultants who can help you. Contact your hospital or try Thomson Medical Centre (call 9119-3502 or 6251-4090), Mount Elizabeth Hospital (call 6731-2180/82) or Mount Alvernia Hospital (call 9839-9477 or 6347-6641). 

5. USING YOUR EQUIPMENT
The stroller, the steriliser, the sling; they’re all lifesavers for new mums, but perfectly useless unless you know how to use them. If you’re reading this before the birth, now’s the time to get them out of their boxes and have a play. If you’ve left looking at them till you’ve got home with your baby, it's still not too late. Just don’t wait until you baby’s screaming blue murder at 3am to figure out how to work the breast pump, or until you’ve run out of sterilised bottles and your baby’s starving before you start trying to assemble the steriliser. 

6. DEALING WITH VISITORS
They may come bearing gifts, but what if you’re too tired to entertain? “Put your mobile phone on silent mode,” says Walsh. “Your real friends will understand if you don’t answer their calls or open the door. The first couple of weeks are for you and your husband to get to know your baby, not the time to become a drop-in café!” 

7. COPING WITHOUT SLEEP
Your newborn will sleep for around 16 hours a day; just not all in one go. So one of the key challenges of being a new mum is learning how to survive on little, or at best broken, sleep. “What’s important is that you recognise when you’re exhausted and give in to it,” Walsh says. “I so often see new mums who have been up all night struggling to fold the baby's clothes or clean up the room, when what they should be doing is sitting down – even just for 15 minutes.” 

Walsh recommends keeping one room calm, quiet and tidy so that you’ve always got somewhere to retreat to and relax when your baby’s sleeping. “This way, the massive pile of washing or the dirty dishes won’t distract you from getting some rest,” she says. 

8. MIND MATTERS
“Physical exhaustion often manifests itself as mental exhaustion,” Walsh notes. “You have to stop being a martyr when you have a new baby. Accept every single offer of help that comes your way, and learn to ask for it too. There are no prizes for trying to do everything yourself. You’ll only end up feeling defeated and worthless when you don’t get everything just right.” 

“I made sure that I got up and got dressed, rather than just staying in my nightie all day; it made me feel a hundred times better, even if I’d had no sleep,” says Simone Chow, 26, mum to Faye, 14 weeks.  “I’d also try to go for a walk, even if was just to the nearby shop for the newspapers. It makes you feel more human, and you can show off your new baby!” 

9. MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR BABYMOON
After the initial shock of the first couple of days, all your pre-birth thoughts of luxuriating in your baby’s gorgeousness and enjoying the first couple of weeks may disappear; but hold that thought. Walsh welcomes the new trend of dads taking time off after the birth, then again a few weeks later. “At first, it’s more like hard work than time off,” she says. “But after a couple of weeks, when you’ve got some sort of routine going, it can be lovely to take another week together to really enjoy being parents. But don’t go planning lots of activities like you would during normal time off. Just be,” she advises. 

10. NEW MUMS – SECOND TIME AROUND
If you thought it was hard the first time, nothing can prepare you for looking after a new baby and another child. On the up side, you know what to expect and there are things you can do to make it easier on yourself. For example:

• Get organised Knowing where everything is makes it easier to multi-task.
• Don’t parent separately “Doing two things at once, like breastfeeding while reading your toddler a story, will leave you more free time,” says Walsh.
• You matter, too. If you don’t look after yourself, there’ll be no one to look after your children!

If you have any comments or practical suggestions, write to us at editor@family.sg

- Mother & Baby
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